A tale from a cybercondriac...And a story

It feels like all my life I have had medical issue.  I used to always throw up in school...not because I had an eating disorder but apparently according to my Pediatrician, that's how I handled stress.  Man...too bad I grew out of that one...other wise I'd be skinny and on America's Next Top Model.  I was also diagnosed with GERD when I was in Middle school (I think it was middle school...although I may be incorrect).  I had/have awful heartburn.  It actually wasn't until this year that I found a pill that I can go all day on and not get heartburn.  What i mean by that is that on my old pills, I would take one at night and be okay...but if I got up in the morning and had anything to drink or eat...I couldn't lay back down without having to take another pill...which wasn't prescribed that way...but that's how it had to be.  So I guess you could say (and I am sure my mother would) that I've always been a bit of a hypochondriac...although now a days I'm a cyberchondriac because I medically diagnose myself via online tools like WedMd or Mayoclinic.  So today I realized that I think I may have a gluten intolerance.  You see...my stomach always does weird things and lately whenever I eat something I get very bloated and my stomach becomes distended.  I have horrible internal gas and pressure...and this has been going on for awhile.  I chalked it up to my stomach hating me...but, I think it actually be my stomach hating Gluten.  What attracted me to this conclusion was that after my breakfast this morning my stomach started doing it's normal thing.  Grumbling, rumbling, pressure, pain, and bloating.  Now, all I had eaten was donut holes (I'm not completely ruling out that my problems could just be because I eat crap all day long), which lead me to wonder if this was all caused by gluten.  I have lots of the symptoms...and lord knows I lack energy and feel tired all the time (another symptom).  So today at lunch I tried to test my hypothesis by eating Wheat Thins.  Mine as well not waste any time and go for the full on wheat overload.  And of course my stomach feels the same as before.  This has caused me to decide that I should probably try a Gluten Free diet.  This is going to be incredibly hard because 1) I LOVE food.  B) I never was good at the Adkins diet because I LOVE bread and pasta.  3) I love carbs. D) Did I mention I love food??  The upside is that M. is currently on the diet, so that makes it a little easier.  And if I stick to meat, veggies, and fruit I should be good...and I might even drop some lb's in the process.  The part that is going to suck is that we've probably never followed the GF diet as it's supposed to be followed.  Technically you're supposed to have a separate toaster, silverware, plates, fridge, etc. for all your GF food so that there's no cross contamination.  We never did that.  Who has money or space for all new appliances??  We do however not feed M anything with Gluten, and to me, that has really helped her.  So I guess I can give it awhirl. 

The moral of this story you may ask??  You see, I am going to blog about how this adventure turns out.  Will it help??  Will I feel better??  Who knows...but I do know that it never hurts to try. 

On a completely different note...

My dear aunt passed away fairly unexpectedly over the weekend.  I was not at all ready for this nor had I planned on this happening.  She was my only real aunt, and she spoiled me with love, kindness, and generosity.  You see, my aunt never had children of her own, so to a degree she treated my brother and me like we were hers.  Every summer she'd take me (my brother too...but on his own) on vacations and trips.  Thanks to her I have visited lots of different states.  Sure, she had her faults...but the good far outweighed them.  Just like my grandmother, you never heard her say a cross word about anyone.  Ever.  She saw the good in people.  And loved everyone.  I took her for granted...as I probably do with my whole family.  You don't realize that one minute someone is here and the next they're gone.  I decided that one of the most painful words in the English language is regret.  Why didn't I call her?  Why didn't I tell her I loved her more.  Why didn't I go see her the last time I was in town?  There was always an excuse with me...story of my life.  My heart will never be quite the same without her.  She gave me a present once, I believe for Christmas...and it might be my most prized possession.  It's nothing big...or extravagant...rather simple really.  When I was a little child (not sure the year it was given to me) she gave me a teddy bear...and to this day...at 33 years old, I still sleep with it.  "its" actual name was Dandy the Millionaire Bear.  I guess even as a young child I had aspirations of being rich.  :)  I take that bear on all of my trips...and sleep with it every night.  There is no doubt when you take one look at Dandy, that he's been loved.  Remember at the top how I talked about throwing up when I was in school??  Well I also threw up when we'd go on road trips...so needless to say, he's seen the spin cycle a time or two.  And sure, he has no stuffing in his neck, and he's had to be sewn here and there...but he's been my favorite constant in my life.  I sometimes think about what I would take if I had a fire...and besides, getting my family out and my dog out...the one thing I would have to have would be my teddy bear.  Even over my pictures I think.  As dumb as it sounds, whenever I am down, or sick, or lonely, or depressed...that bear is with me.  And now, with the passing of my aunt, I am going to hold that bear a little tighter. 

Man...I think I had ADD.  The real reason for writing about my aunt, is kind of in relation to the top.  My aunt had Diabetes, and was overweight...even obese.  But despite having Diabetes, she never ate right.  She always ate out...and not good for you stuff either.  But that got me thinking.  I honestly don't know if I was diagnosed with a medical condition, if even then I'd stop how I eat.  Take the gluten for example.  Say I really have a gluten intolerance...I don't know that I'm strong enough to follow a non-gluten diet.  I always said that my aunt should have eaten better, blah blah blah...but it's easier said than done.  Just one of my many leasons I've learned in life. 

Things I love...

I stumbled across this blog.  Its the bucket list of a 15 year old little girl that is dying of cancer.  So it made me decide to write down the things I love.  I will often update this as things pop in my head. 

Also, one of the things on her bucket list is that she wants everyone in the world to sign up to be a bone marrow donor.  I have been signed up for almost 2 years.  Haven't gotten a call yet, but hope that someday I will. Yes, it will hurt...but not nearly as bad as seeing your 15 year old daughter pass away because there was no match.  The likely hood of ever being called is slim...and I ask everyone that reads this (all two of you) to sign up.

Okay, so here we go!!  I LOVE:
1.  Storms.  (but only when they are just storms and not tornado's, etc)
2.  Listening to the rain...particularly when I'm home and able to fall asleep to it. 
3.  The smell of clothes right out of the dryer.
4.  Slipping into bed after you have just laundered your sheets. 
5.  When I find a book that I don't want to finish, but can't wait to either. 
6.  Getting to sleep in on the weekends.
7.  The feeling I get right at 4:25 when I know my work day is almost over. 
8. Nectarines - Both smelling and eating them!!!

A lightbulb moment...

Have you ever known that something is wrong with you...like, really wrong...but you can't quite put your finger on it??  To anyone else you're fine.  There's nothing wrong with you.  But inside you know differently.  Well that aha moment came today. 

I have always had issues with my weight.  I have always been heavy...and hated it.  But I LOVED food.  In high school there was a brief time where I would make myself throw up after I ate.  It didn't go on too long.  But it happened for awhile.  Of course it didn't really help with weight loss...but in my head I could rationalize it because if the calories and fat were going in...but also coming out then I wouldn't gain weight.  It was easy for me.  Growing up as a child I threw up a lot.  The doctor said it was my way of dealing with stress.  And on road trips I'd always get car sick.  So throwing up to me was second nature.  I didn't enjoy it by any means...but if it meant that I could eat what I wanted then that was nice...in my head. 

Like I said...I have always struggled with weight.  Started Weight Watchers and become a lifetime member in 4th grade.  My mom worked there, so going was easy.  Plus I met a friend in WW and I actually really enjoyed it.  In high school I always felt fat and thought I was fat...but looking back on those pictures, I'd give my left leg to weigh what I weighted in high school. 

As an adult I have started and gone to WW two more time...with this most recent "online ww" experience being my third.  I have tried it all...to a degree.  I have tried Adkins.  The cabbage soup diet.  Diet pills...and really WW was the only thing that worked.  However, while WW says you can eat whatever you want, I never felt I could. 

For most people food is a necessity...but to me it is so much more.  It is happiness.  Food makes me happy.  Or does it.  You see...this next part is what brought me to my "aha" moment. 

Food DOESN'T make me happy.  In fact here's a typical day:

1.  Getting dressed:  UH, I hate my life.  I am so fat and none of my clothes fit.  I keep going up a size.  That's it...I'm going to diet. 
2.  Craving candy: OMG I need chocolate...or some hard candy.  No I don't.  I am too fat.  I don't need anything.
3.  20 minutes later:  Still craving chocolate...I think I'll go to the gift shop and get something.
4.  Eating the chocolate:  OMG...what have I just done.  Great...look how much fat is in that candy bar.  Hope it was good Sarah.  Now I'll never lose weight.  I'm just going to continue to gain weight. 

That's just a small example of what plays in my head on a daily basis.  What caused this?? I have know idea...but it literally happens every day of my life, wherever food is involved.  It's like a recording that's slowly making me crazy. 

For about the first 6 months of working at the hospital I would go to lunch with some of the people in my office.  Our cafeteria didn't offer the best food...and not too many healthy choices...so I would get what sounded good.  Sometimes a grill cheese and fries...cause after all...that whole delicious fried meal was only $3.25.  Couldn't beat that price with a stick.  But EVERY DAY after lunch I would get back to my desk...and almost feel sick.  Sick with a "what have I done" feeling.  I would feel guilty about my lunch.  REALLY guilty.  So I got to the point where I stopped going to lunch.  It was too hard.  I would bring my lunch...and sit in my office by myself...which I enjoyed...but not every day do I feel like reading at lunch.  And on occasion when I have gone to lunch, that same sickened feeling comes back as soon as I get back to my desk.

I recently asked my friends if I was addicted to food....to which they said no.  Only little did they know...I meant it.  I feel like I'm addicted to food.  I feel like it's one of those things where I know I shouldn't eat it...and I know what will happen if I do eat it...and I tell myself not to...but I eat it anyway to satisfy that craving...then I beat myself up over it.  Just like smoking...everyone that does it knows it's not good for you...and that it causes cancer, but your mind tells your body it doesn't care.  That to me doesn't seem normal.  Yesterday or the day before I actually contemplated anorexia.  Me, the girl who loves food contemplated anorexia.  I had always heard that people that were anorexic and bulimic did it because that was one of the few things in their life that they could control...and I finally got what that meant. 

Today I contemplated diet pills.  I just feel like if I could get these cravings to go away...or I could ever reach a point where I didn't want to eat...THEN maybe I could lose weight.  Alli is probably the only "safe" FDA approved diet pill.  However after reading the reviews from everyone that had...hmmm...how shall I say loose, greasy, uncontrollable stools - well it suddenly lost it's appeal. 

So then I googled "how do you know when you are addicted to food?" and I came across this site.  It's a blog on Self Magazine.  (stand back..."aha" moment ahead) Here is a small snippet in case you don't want to read the whole article.

We asked Chevese Turner, founder and CEO of the Binge Eating Disorder Association (BEDA), for the inside view.


"There's been a lot of debate around whether this set of symptoms is an eating disorder or food addiction, but no matter what it is, it all sort of acts the same," Turner says. "What we're concerned with is, how is it treated?

"For most alcoholics, it's important that they take alcohol out of their life completely in order to recover, but what does abstinence mean for food? It's so complicated."

Turner, a recovering sufferer of Binge Eating Disorder herself, says she hasn't eliminated foods from her diet, but instead has used therapy and behavioral work to help lessen her cravings. For other BED sufferers, abstaining completely from foods such as sugar or white flour (and sometimes reintroducing them later) seem to work well.

How do you know if you're suffering from BED?


"We have people who overeat but aren't too stressed about it -- but BED means your relationship with food is extremely distressing to you, whether you're overweight or not," Turner says. "If you're overeating and feel a lot of shame or distress around that behavior, that really is the hallmark."

The paragraph above sums it up.  My relationship with food is incredibly distressing.  I would say that food, whether it be feeling guilty, eating it, or wondering what I am going to eat consumes about 50% of my day.  It's constantly going on in the back of my head.  Ask my friends...they will tell you. 

It felt good to know that there is actually something wrong in my thinking.  It's an actual thing.  And I'm not alone. 

Now, if only I knew how to fix myself...

Pain in the Tushie!!!

I love 3 day weekends.  In fact, I love them so much I think every week should have a three day weekend.  This weekend was busy, and quite eventful. 

For starters Friday night a huge box came via FedEx.  The brother was kind enough to bring it in for me.  I knew right away it was my soon to be bike...so I was very happy to get it.  Saturday the bf got it out of the box and started assembling...when he noticed one of the hand brakes was broken.  :(  Yesterday the BF's dad helped fix my bike by putting on a different brake...and putting on my new seat.  Let me share with you what was going through my head as I was attempting to ride my bike.
     1. OMG my butt hurts!!!  I need a new seat ASAP.
     2. Maybe that whole helmet thing being a good idea isn't so stupid.
     3.  I am going to fall and break my head open. 
     4.  What if I slip over the handlebars?
     5.  What is my foot gets stuck on the peddle.
     6.  Why does the seat hurt my tushy so much more than when I was a kid?? 
     7.  *while peddling uphill* My legs are going to fall off

Those were just a few things running through my mind.  I realized...I may be a bit of a worry wart.  You see, I take all the joy out of what should be a simple task and fill it with worry.  Literally as soon as I got on the bike I started to envision all 15 ways my bike was going to kill me.  Literally and figuratively.  I couldn't just get on and enjoy.  And that's whats sad.  I do that with so many things.  I must be so terribly petrified of dying that every activity I do entails all the ways said activity will kill me.  Man...I have problems!

I called in my Nasonex - you know the allergy commercial with the adorable bee that has a foreign accent - and I was told by the pharmacist that our health insurance no longer covers it...and of course it's not available in generic.  Stupid bee!!!  I have tried Flonase, with little to no success...so they gave me another one to try before they could send in an authorization for Nasonex.  Let me share my experience.  Have you ever accidental gotten water up your nose while swimming??  You know that massive burn in the nostrils that it creates??  Well that my friends is exactly how it felt when I tried to use the nose spray.  My nostrils were on fire. 

Speaking of pools...I bought an 8'x30" pool last week but it was too rainy and stormy to put it up until Saturday.  After filling it with water...which took several hours it was finally ready for the next step...the chemicals.  We (and by "we" I mean the bf) added the pool shock and almost like clock work the pool started turning a lovely shade of red. Apparently that's what happens when you piss off algae.  After much searching the bf realizes that he no longer has his pool pump from his other pool so we had to go get one.  The stupid pump was $70...the pool itself was only $35.  So I notice that they have a 12' x 2.75' foot with a pump for $79...so we ended up getting the other pool.  Of course I can't take the pool back...so maybe I'll see if M's mom wants it for her house.  Originally we were just going to use the pump on the smaller pool, but the pump didn't fit...so we had to drain the pool and fill up the new pool.  Mind you, the bf hates the maintenance of a pool so he was pleased.  Once the new pool filled with water we put the chemicals in.  Now to filter out the water and we'll be good to go...I hope!!

So let me get back to the title of this post.  If you didn't know...my butt hurts.  I think the seat bruised my butt.  It seriously hurts.  I always new that stupid exercise would be the death of me!!!  This is why I don't exercise!!! 

Stay tuned for more of my misadventures tomorrow!!

The Inner Workings...As I see them...

The following is a small story of me.  It may, or very well may  not be true...but it's as I see my life.  I have a very bad memory...not bad...just basically my long term memory is foggy...so the following may or may not have actually happened, but it's as I remember it.  That is a preface for my mother...since I think she's the only one reading this.  I am sure momma will say "that is not how that happened"...but in my mind, it is. 

Let's begin...

The reason for writing this is because when a dear friend was asked "why are you and Sarah friends" (because quite honestly, said friend and I do have a LOT of differences personality wise...but then there are other things that make us very similar) this friend replied "because you never have to wonder with her.  You never have to worry about what's she's thinking."  When I first heard that I was a little taken aback.  And then I started to realize, I am that way.  So let's go back in time...as I remember it. 

Growing up, and in high school I never had a boyfriend.  I had tons of boy friends but never was I romantically linked to anyone.  My friends all had boys...but not me.  I was the timid, shy one of the group.  My prom date was a gay guy...although I didn't know that at the time...although I could totally see it.  I was the reserved girl that didn't do drugs, or go to parties.  I did partake in an alcoholic beverage here or there...but that's what you did in high school.  I was very much an introvert.  I hated going anywhere alone.  I hated going to parties or dances because I just felt awkward.

On the flip side, I was also very strong willed (we will use that in place of stubborn because it sounds better).  If someone told me I couldn't do something...not only would I do it...but I'd take great pride in proving them wrong.  My parents were middle class, and that's how I was raised.  We never went without...EVER...but we also didn't have name brand everything.  Which didn't matter to me any since fashion was not my forte.  But in the same regard, my parents didn't have the money to buy my brother and I a car.  And they couldn't very well get him one and not me one...so the answer was to not get anybody a car...and besides, in their day not many high school kids had a car.  I was always told "you probably won't have your own car until you're out of college."  And that's where it all began.  Not being able to own a car was simply not going to do.  So I set out to prove them all wrong...and I got a job.  And I worked my butt off.  With the help of my very generous aunt, she matched what I had for a down payment.  And with the help of my loving parents, they helped me get a car.  By helped I mean they took out the loan, but I made the payments.  And by the time I was a senior...I had a car of my very own.  Tenacious.  That described me. 

I remember going to church as a child and driving down by UK's campus.  We'd pass all the sorority and fraternity houses...and I'd long to be one of those girls in a sorority.  But my parents would always tell me I couldn't be in a sorority because we couldn't afford it.  So what did I do when I was 19??  Again, with the help of my parents, I took out a school loan and went to Eastern Kentucky University.  I lived in a dorm (another thing I was told I couldn't do), and joined a sorority.  I can officially say...THIS was a time I wish I had listened to my parents and not forced the issue.  Sorority life wasn't me.  So after a year, I hung up my fake smile...and my fake friends and I left Eastern.  They probably weren't completely fake at the time...but let's just say I don't keep in touch with very many...and the ones I do keep in touch with are because of Facebook...and because I was friends with them BEFORE the sorority. 

Okay, so where am I going with this??  You see, I made a comment involving my friends beau at work today in front of her.  I work with my friend...and her beau.  Another girl I work with said "you can't say that in front of his girlfriend."  I simply said that I could care less if it's her boyfriend...I was merely stating a fact...and opinion. 

I'm not sure when the change happened.  I think I grew my backbone while going through my divorce. Divorce...a word that I never thought would be in my vocabulary.  I learned that I didn't have to take it.  I learned that I was an independent woman, and I wasn't going to let someone dictate my life any longer.  And from there I grew and grew to where I am now.  But, as much as I like the tell it like it is Sarah...it also is hard on me.  I never mean to hurt anyones feelings with the things I say, it's just that I feel like I'd be doing an injustice to my friends as well as myself if I spoke a lie, only to talk about it behind that persons back.  Call me rude, call me uncouth, but you will never be able to call me dishonest...and for me, that's what matters. 

So, you see friends...I tell it like it is.  I don't sugar coat.  I don't kiss ass to get ahead.  I don't mince words.  And I occasionally hurt feelings, but you can never say I lied to you...and for that, I am okay with all the other things. 

Touched by an Angel

There's a song by George Strait and it's called I Saw God Today.  Below are some lyrics.

I've been to church

I've read the book

I know he's here

But I don't look

Near as often as I should

Yeah, I know I should

His fingerprints are everywhere

I just slowed down to stop and stare

Opened my eyes and man I swear

I saw God today

 

A funny thing happened in St. Louis over the weekend.  I'm pretty sure I met God.  Wierd I know.  Allow me to explain. 

 

My friend Tricia and I were walking down on the riverfront...of course it's the Mississippi river, so it was flooded.  We crossed under the bridge and were amazed to see a statue completely covered by water, accept the head and arm.  Obviously it's not something you see every day.  There was a man there and he explained that it was a statue of Lewis and Clark...and their dog.  Well Lewis and the dog were submerged in water, so Clark was all alone.  This man was so nice.  He told us all about the flood and how far the water came up, then he asked if we wanted him to take our picture.  Okay...here's where the sinner in me comes into play...and please don't judge me.  For a split second I actually thought - what if we say yes and this guy runs off with our camera's??  Ugh, I feel horrible saying it, but it's what I was thinking.  At any rate, we said we'd love for him to take our picture...and he took the picture of us with Clark in between.  Then he proceeded to tell us that he was homeless and he said he had no where to go and asked if we could help him with some money.  Ironic since Tricia and I had just discussed homeless people on the ride up and how a lot of them aren't really homeless...and how it can be quite the profitable "job".  I wanted to give him money, I really did, but all I had were $20's, so Tricia gave him $5.  He was so grateful.  He introduced himself.  His name was Tony.  Anthony actually.  I told him that was my daddy's name...and that it was a great name.  And then...he asked us to pray for him and keep him in our prayers.  And ever since...I have prayed for him.  In fact, I can't stop thinking about him.  How kind he was.  There was just something about him.  I think I saw God that day.  

Random Ponderings

What does it mean when you see a homeless person/pan handler with a sign that says "traveling, homeless, any help is appreciated...only you see the same guy at the same stop every day??  Where is he traveling to??  And I always see him just walking up and taking his post.  Where is he walking from???

This is an actual conversation:

(Casey has just woken me up at 12:30 to tell me Osama has been killed by the Navy Seals)

Me: Is there a lot of water near Afganistan (didn't knwo it was Pakistan...but same difference...different stan)
Casey:  Umm, sweetie you know it's a big desert, right?
Me:  Well I know that, but Navy Seals are supposed to be in water...hence the Navy part.  Why are they in the desert??
Casey: You have watched far too many movies.

Now, in my defense...both my friend and the talk show host Chelsea Handler agreed with me!

I can't remember what else I have been pondering as of late...but I do have a new food find to share. 

Normally I am not into the 100 calorie packs but I heard of the Snackwell's Caramel chocolate drizzled popcorn.  It's 3 points...but it's delicious and I think worth it!!  This might be my new addiction. 

Bitter Sweet

Last night started like any other.  Dread of Monday morning work set in.  I took some Nyquil...which was dual purpose.  One, because I have this annoying thing that wants to turn in to a cold...but it just won't.  And Two...because I never call fall asleep Sunday nights.  I went to bed as planned, only to wake up to Casey telling me the news about Osama Bin Laden.  Obviously the first thing that went through my mind was complete disbelief.  After all, it's 12:30 in the morning and I was just awakened from my slumber.  So I get on my phone and open up the most reliable news source I could think of.  Facebook, or course.  Everybody and their brother was talking about it with joyous celebration.  All accept two people.  One of which was a minister, and one was someone like me.  The kind of person that skips the celebratory phase and looks forward to the "oh crap...what does this mean for our country" phase. 

Think about it.  To those crazy extremists, Bin Laden was their "God".  He was their leader.  What would happen if our Leader was shot dead??  Would there not be some retaliation?  I can't celebrate.  First of all, I can't celebrate ANYONE's death.  Because yes, its a good thing...but he was still someones son.  Someones father.  Someones brother.  And while he was quite possibly the spawn of Satan himself...he was still a life.  And more importantly I can't celebrate because I fear what is yet to come.  We got rid of #1...but there's always #2...and all the other extremists.  People, regardless of religion are passionate.  When you mess with someones passion and beliefs they tend to take it very seriously.

I'm afraid for Obama.  I'm afraid for our soldiers.  I'm afraid for our country.  I think people might have been a little too quick to celebrate.  I fear that it's like a basketball game that you think you have in the bag...until someone like Christian Laettner from 1992 makes the last second shot to win the game. 

I hope and pray that things remain okay.

Sarah the conquerer

As you may or may not know, I live next to a corn field.  Living next to a corn field provides all kinds of fun things...like excessive dust, and mice.  When I first moved in with the BF...I wasn't aware of such things.  I remember the first time I found a mouse.  I started crying hysterically and I went outside and stood by my car until the bf came home.  He probably thought someone had just died by how I was crying...and I guess since the mouse was dead when I saw it, that's partly true.  Obviously he was used to having visitors and while he did his best to be sympathetic...I know he thought I was being a tad bit ridiculous.  That was a year and 3 months ago.  Since then, I have calmed down...a little.  If a caught one I was now able to remain fairly calm and not have to leave the house hyperventalating.  Don't get me wrong...it's not like we have mice all over the place...just one or two here and there.  But...the reason I am even telling this story is because I am proud to say I have conquered the mice!!  a couple days ago I saw some remnants of a mouse in Reese's empty food dish.  I was SO not having that...so I got out every trap I could find...and baited them...with what I am pretty sure is the miracle mouse catcher...Marshmallow cream.  It's delicious...and sticky all in one.  The next day I woke up...and I caught one.  It was like a tiny little victory I was so happy.  I felt like I had won!  However I checked another trap and another mouse was taunting me by licking off all the cream...and walking away.  So I reset my traps...and now it's this fun game of "cat"  (aka - sarah) and mouse (aka Jerry the mouse).  The first thing I do when I get home is check the traps to see if I have any prizes.  This morning I had another one in the trap!  I think it might have been the marshmallow licker from the previous trap!  I know, Mice are gross...which is why the bf says my real victory will be if I can ever take them and dispose of them.  I am SO NOT there yet.  The BF is in charge in that department.  He will kill me if he finds out I wrote about this...good thing he's not a blog follower.  :) 

So M. has been sick for over a week.  It started last Friday when I realized she had a temperature...which was weird because I really saw no symptoms other than the fact that she looked like she had gotten hit with a brick truck.  Poor little thing was exhausted.  However, over the week her symptoms started to show and she lost her fever.  we actually kept her home the last three days because I'm not all about sending a sick kid to school to infect all the other kids.  You're welcome teachers!!  It's so hard with M. because she can't tell us what hurts.  All I know from what I can gather on my own is that she has a constant runny nose...and a horrible cough.  Wednesday night I had to watch her because the BF had to work late (poor guy had to work until almost 11).  I was tired, but didn't want to go to bed because she wouldn't stop coughing.  In tired desperation I pulled out all the stops and tried every "remedy" I had heard of.  In case you're playing at home...let me tell you what did NOT work.  ALL OF THEM.  ie: Vicks Vapor Rub on the bottom of feet with socks.  Nope.  Check that off the list of successes.  Hot water with honey and lemon.  Nope...didn't work either.  Okay, so how about just honey.  Nope...she was still coughing.  Finally I settled on some Vicks on her chest.  It didn't work either but figured it wouldn't hurt.  So much for all those silly "home remedies".  the great part about all this is I woke up this morning with a sore throat.  I figured it was because I snored a lot last night or something and thought it would go away.  No such luck.  I have that whole "cloudy, achy head" thing going on...and the sore throat is still there.  YIPEE!!  Way to spend my weekend.  Good thing I don't have any parties...and we are childless. 

I signed up about a month ago for email alerts from http://www.bradsdeals.com/.  I am not sure who this Brad person is...but he's got some amazing deals on things!  I decided to purchase Rolling Stone for $4.  Now...this is stupid because over the last couple years, since I actually am more of an avid reader (of books), I have lost my magazine obsession.  And...I'm not into rock music so it's kind of pointless.  However, I got one yesterday and decided to flip through it.  That is when I came across an article that truly made me sick.  Normally when I read things that are terribly upsetting it bothers me...but doesn't leave me feeling sick.  This article actually turned my stomach.  I get that there's always a few bad apples in the bunch...and it shouldn't ruin the reputation of all the good people that are out there.  But this is heinous and should be treated as such.  Don't talk poorly of a terrorist if you are going to in essence be one.  If you choose to read the article, please note there are some very graphic pictures. 

I guess that's all for today! 

Fantastic Recipe!!

It's not every day that I try a new recipe and the BF LOVES it. Normally he likes them...but I made one last night and he actually said he wanted it added to the weekly rotation! CRAZY!! I found it from the newest blog I stalk http://www.danicasdaily.com/. Danica is a fellow WW and she always has great recipes! This particular one was made with meatless crumbles...so in that regard I'm surprised the BF raved about it as much as he did. In fact, I don't think he would have been able to tell had I not let him in on the little secret! Are you ready for the recipe??


5 Ingredient Enchilada Skillet


INGREDIENTS
1/2 cup onion, chopped
12 oz Morningstar Farms® Veggie Frozen Burger Style Recipe Crumbles
8 corn tortillas, cut into 1 inch squares
8 oz low-fat cheddar or colby cheese
16 oz Enchilada Sauce


INSTRUCTIONS
1. Spray a nonstick skillet with cooking spray and heat over medium heat. Brown onion for 2-3 minutes.
2. Add veggie crumbles, sauce, tortillas and half the cheese. Heat to a boil. Cover and cook for 5 more minutes.
3. Remove from heat and top with cheese.
Makes six 1 cup servings, 5 points+ each


I kind of had to start over this Monday because this weekend wasn't exactly WW friendly.  It's so hard when you have no willpower, and the person you live with isn't on a diet...or interested in being on a diet.  Don't get me wrong.  He WILL eat what I cook...but he doesn't watch what he eats outside of that...so Friday when he said "do you want Mexican"...the no willpower thing go the best of me and I said yes.  Oh well...starting fresh as of yesterday. 
One of my dear friends is having surgery on Thursday and has asked me if I would come check on her and make sure she's still alive.  So of course I said yes.  I asked her what she'd like me to bring her to eat...and she said Long John Silvers.  I quickly let her know that I must love her because I would never go to LJS while dieting.  I LOVE LJS.  But, being the good WW that I am, I quickly researched the NI so I too could eat LJS!!  I think for one piece of fish and one chicken plank it would be 12 points...so I mine as well just spring for 2 pieces of fish for 14.  Of course that only leaves me 15 points for the rest of the day...and with my newest coffee addiction there goes 3...so now I'm at 12.  Good thing I haven't used up all my extra points.  I'm still waiting for them to come out with the skinny pill.  You know...one that's safe and actually works. 


I was reading in First Magazine that Whey is the way to go.  Ha ha... Apparently whey helps with weight loss.  Not sure how reliable that is...but I did find it funny that they did a study and showed that people that drank two meal replacement shakes a day lost more weight than those that didn't.  Well no kidding.  Of course they lost more weight...they are essentially only eating one meal.  That's super for people that don't like food...but then again if you are a person that doesn't like food I doubt you have a weight problem. 
Well that's all for now.  I get to have my fantastic leftovers for lunch in 15 minutes.  Yay!

Come to the darkside...we have grapes!

I know what you're thinking.  Is she seriously going to talk about grapes again??  Yes, but only for a second so its okay.  :)  It seems I have started quite the following with my grape addiction.  I am thinking about starting my own cult.  Maybe I'll call it the Concord Cult.  And heck, I already live in a commune...or is it a compound??  so I'm one step ahead!!  Instead of drinking the Kool Aid we can have grape juice??  Okay, I'll leave that last part out of the deal! You see, every day I bring my precious grapes to work.  So one day last week NGB (Nerdy/Geeky Boy...and he will now be referred) was questioning them...so I made him had him try one.  And low and behold...my powers of being an evil genius worked...and the next day he actually came and asked me if I brought more.  And of course M. is a huge fan.  Somewhere, probably on a WW message board, I read that people dip them in sugar free jello and then freeze and it tastes like candy...so I tried it.  Let me tell you my discoveries.

1.  It stains your fingers (although it was awesome to watch M. eat them last night.  It made quite the mess but she enjoyed it...and I enjoyed watching her. (you should have seen her fingers)

2.  It tastes like gelatin...not like candy!!  IF I ever try this venture again, I will use kool-aid! 

 

Let me just tell you what I made last night.  It's actually the second time I have made it but I have perfected my talents!!  I found out that dieting doesn't have to suck...there are tasty alternatives...it's just a matter of finding them!!  Let me introduce you to my new bff!!  

This, my dear readers is a Flatout Pizza!  I didn't use the nugget pepperoni...I used real life sized Turkey Pepperoni.  So here's what you do.

1. Heat over to 450.  (I made it on a pizza stone so I let that heat up too)
2. Take a Flatout wrap and and place on stone (or on rack).
3. Bake for approximately 5-7 minutes (flipping once)
4. Take out and top with pizza sauce (we used genero spaghetti sauce), next top with turkey pepperoni, and lastly cheese. 
5. I used the low fat mozzarella and also a couple of the babybel bonbels. 

 I think I probably cooked it for 10 minutes...but until it was all brown and toasty!  It was amazing...to the point that I would actually pass up real pizza if Casey got it, and not feel cheated!  So good in fact, I'm making it again tonight! 

I have a party tonight and one tomorrow.  I don't foresee either of them being any good...but hopefully I'll have fun!!  I am taking tomorrow off for some much needed R&R...although there won't be much maxin and relaxin because I have a mountain of laundry to catch up on due to the two nights of bed wetting. 

Oh...so Saturday night I came home from the not so fun party and I had to feed the cats.  So I did.  Then I go back out (mind you, it was cold) and there's a raccoon trying to eat their food.  I scared him off.  Well, I scared him up the tree.  That little sucker was NOT afraid of anything.  He kept trying to come back.  I yelled at him, threw my bubble wand at him...all to no avail.  I stayed outside as long as I could stand...and waited for the cats to finish eating.  This leads me to my story.  About a week ago Casey bought a Raccoon trap.  Now before you go oohing and awwwing, those little (although adorable) creatures wreck havoc on our lives.  We can't take the trash out because they rip it open and go through it.  That is not fun.  He set it up Sunday and by Monday he had his first visitor.  I didn't get to see it but I saw a picture and it was so cute.  I was really hoping to pay my respects to it but his dad had already taken it down by the river (no, not in a Van - only the SNL people will think that's funny) to release it.  :(  I guess Casey caught another one last night.  Poor little guys!  I'm torn about my feelings for such an adorable little thing.  At least they aren't being harmed.  (I don't need any letters from PETA).  I like to think of it as Raccoon Witness Protection!

Another day...another dollar (that title has nothing to do with anything)

So very many things to cover in this post...and so little time. I really think they need to implement a 7 hour lunch break, and one hour of work!!  Now THAT would be my kind of day!!

It's day two in the life of a pseudo Weight Watcher.  I'm still working on finding filling foods.  Just a hint...celery is NOT filling.  Plus this whole week my eating schedule has been out of whack because the other girl that is in my office is at the other hospital, so I have to take my lunch an hour later than normal...which I actually prefer, but the hour difference is kind of like jet lag for my tummy!  Last night I made a whole chicken in my new Pampered Chef Deep Dish Covered Baker.  (In hind sight...and with the diet, I now realize that this was a colossal waste of money) A whole chicken in the microwave for 30 minutes...and poof...it's done.  Granted I'm not Martha Stewart, but it was a 5lb chicken, and it surely didn't seem to produce very much meat.  BTW...the process of the whole chicken is absolutely disgusting.  Almost makes me want to be a vegetarian.  Almost, I said!! 

Yesterday was all kinds of busy.  I got home from work.  Boxed up all my Pure Romance packages that I had to send out, printed up labels, and somehow made it to the post office by 6:50 with child in tow.  She was very well behaved...but really what kind of shenanigans can one get into at the post office?  I actually also received a Pure Romance package of a few things I ordered...and guess what was in the box??  No, I'm not talking about the stuff I ordered.  I also got $300 in free product for hitting the fast track level 3.  YAY me!!!  That is a big accomplishment.  That means I have sold over $3600 in 90 days.  Not too bad for someone that has very few parties.  Level 4, which is the last level is going to be tricky.  I think it's $6000 in 120 days. 

I mentioned that last night was busy but part of the busyness was doing laundry.  M. has wet the bed two nights in a row.  This has actually been happening rather frequently lately and we have no idea why.  So three loads of laundry later, and I still haven't actually touched the clothes.  I think I need to research bed wetting. 

I have officially decided tonight I'm not doing ANYTHING.  Yep, that's a lie, which I realized as soon as I finished typing that last sentence.  I have to do 3 more loads of laundry tonight since she wet the bed again.  But, other than that...I'm not doing anything.  Besides cooking dinner. 

So the girl that doesn't like coffee has a new addition.  It's all my co-workers fault for mentioning this.  Of course I had to come home and try it...which I ended up making iced...because really if a beverage isn't on it, it's not worth drinking.  Needless to say, I'm not addicted.  It was so good I fixed one yesterday to take to work.  I actually felt full all the way through until lunch yesterday.  Does coffee fill you up??  (and just as an FYI I did count the points for it).

I just have to say...you truly don't realize how much actually goes in your mouth until you write down every BLT.  No, not the sandwich.  Bite, Lick, Taste.  So depressing!!!  Even my stupid Kool Aid water pack singles are points.  :(

I guess that's about all the exciting things I can contain in one post.  :)  Happy Wednesday!! 

Adventures in dieting...and other ranting ramblings...

Okay so this is technically week two of the big diet adventure...but I'm really saying it's week one since I just officially signed up for WW online yesterday.  Man...I haven't mastered the art of feeling full.  I have, however mastered the art of feeling like I'm going to gnaw my own arm off.  Then again...that would probably be too many points plus.  WHY is it so easy to gain wait...and yet so incredibly hard to lose it.  And why, oh why must food taste so good??  I have decided to no longer buy things in which I can't stop myself from eating.  The problem lies in the fact that I have replaced popsicles with frozen grapes.  Good, right??  Seeing as how fruits and veggies are no longer points...I can eat all I want.  Nope...that's where it gets ya.  You eat until you're satisfied.  Okay, so what about when you're in my case...and you're never satisfied??  I could probably eat my way through a vineyard of grapes (wine works too) and still want to eat more.  What's funny is we ran out of grapes on Sunday...and I swear it's like I was having withdrawals from frozen grapes yesterday.  So much so that I bought three bags at Kroger...and I'll probably go back tomorrow and get more.  They are on sale for 98 cents...which is super cheap for grapes.  I need to buy a freezer dedicated solely to them.  But I guess my problem is...if I'm eating all these grapes...how is it really any better than my plethora of popsicles? Grapes have calories too. 

I am trying to eat smaller portions and have periodic healthy snacks throughout the day.  Can anyone guess what my afternoon snack consists of??  Grapes??  You guessed it!!  Sometimes it consists of string cheese instead.  They say protein helps you feel full longer.  You know what I think??  I think string cheese is just a tease.  Oh well...It will get better...and I know once I drop a pants size, or see a change in the scale I'll feel more encouraged. 

So...how does one successfully diet and not want to eat an appendage?? 

On another note...

Remember the "nerdy/geek" person I wrote that lovely letter to??  Well I have more to say.

Dear "that person",
I understand that you are always out to make yourself look smart...and feel smart.  Remember...we have had this discussion of how you put others down to bring yourself up? So...when I read you one of the daily calendar pages from my "Butter my butt and call me a biscuit" calendar, I don't need you to tell me that it's not proper grammar.  And let me list the reasons why.

1.  The calendar is calendar is called "butter my butt and call me a biscuit".  Really...what did you expect.
2.  I don't give a flying eff if it's grammatically correct or not.
3.  If I wanted to get an english lesson then I would enroll in school...and get a diploma. 
4.  Remember...there was a time when "OMG", "LOL", "drama queen", "soul patch", "waterboarding", and "unfriend" weren't actually words but guess what...they're now in the dictionary. 

Sincerely,
I'm not your student

Pondering...

I have been pondering a few things...and I have a letter to a no named person. 

Let's say you have a friend and they start dating someone.  If you and said someone don't get along...OR if the someone doesn't like you...does it matter??  Because a friend said it doesn't matter.  This person said I don't have to like the person my friend dates...or that the person doesn't have to like me.  I disagree.  I feel it's kind of a big deal.  Because after all...isn't the beauty of adult friendships to hang out with other couples...generally your friends??  How awkward and terribly unfun is it to hang out with people that don't get along...or who refuse to hang out with you??  Thoughts???

And here's my letter. 

Dear self proclaimed "Nerdy Geeky" boy,
I get it.  Maybe you were picked on, or bullied in school and now you hate all people you assume are "like" the offender.  Well I was picked on too.  I know what it's like to come home from school crying every day.  I know what it's like to hold on to that hostility.  I get it.  However, not everyone that is stereotypical "non-nerdy/geeky" person is like that.  Not every football player is your stereotypical Jock.  Some can actually be nice.  However, what I think you fail to realize is that YOU have now become the bully.  You are now the picker oner.  (I realize that is not a word).  You intellectually demean others to make yourself feel better about yourself...at the expense of others.  It's not an admirable quality. 

I truly know that you are a good person.  You actually have times when you are quite enjoyable, and fun, and one could possibly like you as a friend.  But for your own sake, and the sake of so many others...stop looking down on everyone that isn't like you. 

It's electric...boogy woogy woogy

You'd think it's winter outside or something but lately my hair has had quite the case of static.  I can't so much as run my hand through my hair without looking like I had my finger in the light socket.  What is causing all this static?  Do I need to start to tumble dry before leaving my house??

But...on another note...I am IN LOVE with a new shampoo and conditioner.  You see...I was introduced to Morrocan Oil at my first hair appointment at Flirt Salon.  I loved the smell, and how shiney and pretty it made my hair.  What I didn't like was the $40 price tag.  Well I recently read in one of my many magazines that there is a shampoo and conditioner made with Morrocan Oil...but it's by Organix.  It was pricey compared to my normal cheap shampoo...but it left my hair smelling amazing...and oh so shiney!!  I highly recommend using this. 

And on a slightly random note...I found the most awesome website today.  http://www.operationbeautiful.com/

Go there and check it out!!

TSA pat down

I had to rant about this...and I really didn't know what avenue to do it.  Facebook doesn't allow me enough characters for a proper rant!  So I saw this clip today.  Now, I understand the little girl is 6.  And in our country most 6  year olds don't pose a huge threat...although I have seen my fair share of 6 year olds that scare me...but there are some countries where a 6 year old can probably shot a gun...and shoot it well.  Here's my issue.  In watching the video...I saw nothing inappropriate with the pat down.  It was a female TSA agent patting down a little girl.  The scene in Crash where the lady get's a pat down...now THAT is going over the line...and that is abuse...but this?  Maybe if I were a parent I would feel differently.  And I know that I am usually playing the devil's advocate but come on.  One person in the message board compared it to rape.  SERIOUSLY?  In that case. Those TSA agents should ALL go to jail for the rest of their lives...because in a sense they are "raping" every single person they pat down.  In all cases, there is a right and wrong way to do things.  Had this employee done something that wasn't protical, or had she done something that wasn't standard for all pat downs then I would say yes...be up in arms...but she did her job. 

Why is it that the people that complain about things like this are the same people that complain about having to have a body scan.  Here's a thought...don't like it...don't fly.  Pretty freaking simple.  I am sure there are plenty of lovely rental car places that would just love to rent you a nice Ford Taurus.  And those same people are the ones that would say the goverment isn't doing their job if a terrorist did get through security and on to a plane and we had ourselves another 9/11. 

So let me help you out...Don't want to get a pat down at the airport??

1.  Don't fly
2.  Find a way to have world peace
3.  Drive
4.  Take a train.  I hear scenery is beautiful this time of year.
5.  Take a Greyhound.  At least that way you can complain about the person sitting next to you that hasn't showered in a month.  But you didn't get a pat down. 

I'm off my soapbox now.  It's just infuriating to me th at people make life a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. 

Just in time...

So Spring has sprung...and so have I.  Into action that is.  I am officially about the heaviest I have ever been and I am NOT enjoying it.  Therefore, I am going to change my lifestyle.  Notice I didn't say the dreaded "d" word.  It's about eating healthy.  I learned over the last three or four days that the key to surviving is:
1.  Don't buy things that are low fat that you know you won't limit.
2.  Find food and recipes that you will actually enjoy eating.  So far I have found several.

See, number one is key because I bought ww ice cream sandwiches...and I had popsicles.  However if you eat 8 popsicles (oh that's nothing for me) in one evening then the fact that they have low calories doesn't exactly count...because when you're eating 8 that adds up.  I have since decided that when this box of ice cream sandwiches...in all their delicious glory, is gone I won't get anymore.  I will just have to find something else to eat...that I may not gorge myself on. 

For dinner last night we had quesadillas.  I got the idea from here only I used white instead of whole wheat.  So basically it's one tortilla (I used the medium size - bigger than taco, smaller than quesadilla), cut up a red pepper (free on ww p+ now), cut up an onion (also free I believe), spinach leaves, ham (I bought the small ham pieces already cut up (it was 4 servings and it was 1.5 grams of fat per serving...so not bad), and the most amazing (seriously...I am SOOOO in love) Babybel Bonbel cheese.  Perfectly portioned incredibleness!!!  So you cut up the onion and cook until "scorched", then add the ham, and red pepper.  Cook about 3 minutes and then put on a plate.  Put a tortilla in the pan and put a little of the cheese (the creator of the recipe shredded hers...I just pulled mine apart) on half and top with the spinach (next time I have to figure out a way to wilt my spinach a little so I can add more), then top with the ham and veggie goodness followed by the rest of the cheese.  Fold the half that isn't covered over and press down.  Then after a couple minutes flip it.  Casey loved it.  I loved it.  I ate it without sour cream...which is a huge deal because I eat a condiment with practically everything.  I'm a dipper!!!  It was awesome!!  Tasted restaurant quality and all low fat.  I am LOVING Laughing Cow and all their cheeses. 

For lunch today...I have a new favorite sandwich that I got from the same website.  She calls it a Poor Mans Egg Sandwich.  All you do is take a hard boiled egg and slice it (I really need to get an egg slicer), then take your bread (I used the new sandwich thins...which are great) and put a thin coat of lite mayo.  I also put a little mustard...then top with your sliced egg and put salt  on it...then put the other piece of bread on top.  I hate pepper but most people would want to put salt and pepper on it.  It was SO tasty and really not that bad for you.  I shall have another tomorrow.

Well that's all for now.  Tonight I have to take my dreaded "before" pictures...WORST!!!  Oh well...I need motivation!! 

Love is in the air...(no, it's not what you think)

Here are just a few small things I am LOVING on right now. 

I am SO loving my UK Wildcats!!!  A-MAZING!!!  FINAL FOUR BABY!!!  We have an Indy team and my team going to the final four.  Does it get any better??

I am also loving the fact that I have turned Madison into a Mini-Me.  I have not only made her as addicted to pop-ice as me...but I have also made her addicted to frozen grapes!!  The best food on the planet.  Too bad grapes in excess are so expensive!!!  If only I could have my own vineyard.  Of course that would mean I would need my own workers too. 

I tried a new hair color that I LOVE!!  Not necessarily the color...although I do like it a lot...but the fact that it's foam.  I had bought the Nice and Easy foam but read horrible reviews about it...so now those two boxes sit on my table.  Then I decided on Samy Fat Foam Hair Color...but then I saw John Frieda's Precision Foam...and I got that one too...just to be on the safe side.  I used the JF color and it's amazing.  Normally when I color my hair I have haircolor all over me...my bathroom, the floor, the shower...every where imaginable.  With it being foam, it didn't go anywhere...accept on my hair...where it was supposed to go.  And quite possibly the best part is that it has virtually no smell.  Normally I almost sufficate when coloring my hair...but not this time. 

This next little wonder has surely changed how i feel about laundry.  I saw an add for Purex softener crystals that you put in at the beginning of the wash.  While at Walmart I decided to give it a whirl.  My clothes have NEVER smelled So good.  I will be buying this indefinitely.  It's simply irrestible. 

And while we are on the subject of things at Walmart.  Lemishine is the best thing next to sliced bread.  It doesn't matter what we do...our water is so hard that it practically is pointless to use the dishwasher.  the plates come out looking like they have chalk all over them.  You have to hand wash the dishwasher washed dishes.  That is...until Lemishine came in my life.  I don't know if this stuff has a little bit of built in magic added to it...but it's unbelievable.  I can only find it at Walmart...and only at one Walmart.  I stocked up this time and bought three bottles.  I do NOT want to run out of this again!!!

Lastly...I happened about this Gluten free Casein Free recipe...that was literally so simple I just had to try it...even if it was horrible.  Chicken thighs (bone in) and honey.  Yep...that's it.  Pardon my lack of cooking knowledge, but all you do is take a square baking dish (that's where my lack of knowledge comes in...I have no idea what size the baking dish is).  Spray some pam (making sure it's GFCF) in the pan.  Pour honey on the bottom to cover the dish.  Put the thighs in...skin side down (yes...use the skin...it has healthy fatty acids).  Cover with honey.  The recipe called for 1/4 cup honey...but I just pour honey all over it until its covered.  Cover with aluminum foil.  Bake for 90 minutes at 350.  I just put it in for 45 minutes, take it out, turn the chicken over and cover with honey, then cover and put back in for 45 more minutes.  Now...I have made this recipe twice and both times the sides were incredible.  The first time we had this meal I made quinoa.  When the quinoa was done cooking I poured in some lemon infused olive oil, stirred and then poured a little of the honey juices in it. Quinoa is a very nutricious super food. The second time I made corn fritter/pancake type things.  That was just a box of Jiffy mix, a can of creamed corn, and 1 1/2 teaspoons of sugar.  I didn't have enough oil to fry them, so I just put them in a pan like pancakes.  I just put them in like pancakes.  Once again, I poured some of the honey juices on the corn cakes.  So delicious!!! 

I think that's all my love for one day.

A letter to all parents…

The next time you get annoyed at your child for interrupting you while you are on the phone…
Be thankful your child has the ability to talk

The next time your child is whiny because they are sick or their tummy hurts…
Thank God your child can tell you where it hurts.

The next time you complain about having to drive here, there, and everywhere for your children…
Be glad to know that when they are 16 they will be able to drive

The next time your child talks back…
Remember at least you have the chance to hear “I love you” without having to prompt your child.

The next time your kids fight...
Be glad that at least they are socially interacting

You see…it hit me this morning as I was getting ready for work and I heard Madison babbling away in the living room. It was adorable…she was being so “talkative”. And it made me realize how very easy it is to take the simple things in life for granted. I do it all the time.

Granted I didn’t birth her…or hold her in my womb for 9 months…I do help raise her every day. I help give her a bath…and make her hair pretty…so that at least she has one less thing to worry about dealing with during the day. Kids are cruel…and they will only get worse as she ages…so if I can give her every single opportunity to fit in…I’m going to try.

As I said…I’m not her biological parent…but I love her as if she were my own. I’m hard…probably too much so…because I want the absolute best for her. I push her…because I know that with a little prodding she can excel beyond even my own wildest dreams. I know how I feel about her…and I can’t begin to know how hard it is for Casey. It’s heartbreaking to see that your child wants to talk…but can’t. Seeing the tears in their eyes as they try so desperately to pronounce a word. Its torture seeing your child sick…only you have no idea where it hurts and where you can kiss the boo boo…because they can’t tell you. Casey is a saint with her. His patience with her knows no bounds. I’m…well…not so much.

While having an autistic child is challenging beyond imagination…I wouldn’t change her for the world. Would it be nice if she could talk?? Of course…but seeing how she looks at the world is amazing. Seeing from her point of view sheds new light on every day things. And quite frankly…it’s fascinating. She will grow to be a remarkable young lady…and I can’t wait to see what she will accomplish!

Rant-diculous

I will not have my feelings hurt if NONE of you read this…but I need to vent. Bad!! Days like today I wish I still smoked!


I’m feeling incredibly negative today so here’s just some of the things irking me at the moment.

Dear Copper Wire Steeler: Please do not expect us to feel sorry for you when you get electrocuted to death stealing the wire on top of a building…but thanks for clearing up the city of one less worthless criminal.

Sincerely,
Next time wear rubber shoes

Dear Peyton Manning:
I know that the entire city of Indianapolis thinks you hang the moon. I however am not convinced. If you are so strapped for cash that you have to make the Colt’s pony up more money to keep you then here’s my advice. Start winning the Superbowl every year and earning that big paycheck. That actually goes for all sports people…but I’m talking specifically to you Peyton. Stop asking others who have FAR less money than you to donate to the United Way…when you my friend could buy an entire country. I am pretty sure you could fund the entire United Way for the next 50 years. Stop saying you are here for your fans and the people…not that I’ve actually heard you say that but if you ever have…stop. You’re not here for the fans…you’re here for the money. Meanwhile, the rest of us busting our butts 8-5 52 weeks a year only to live paycheck to paycheck and can’t we still can’t afford your football tickets. So please…by all means…whether you go some place else, or you stay…don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Sincerely,
Frustrated tax payer paying way too much for a stadium I can’t ever afford to go to.

I just want to say that with the growing rate of murders this year in Indianapolis, no one should be surprised. How often is there a murder where the person was actually an upstanding citizen…besides Officer Moore…or the child of someone not quite so upstanding?? If you associate with drug dealers, gangs, gang bangers, rapists, etc…be forewarned that you might end up dead by one of your “friends”. K, thanks!

And one more thing. If I ask you to do something, or for something, and you know you have no intention of fulfilling said request…please just say no thank you or you aren’t interested. If you say yes, I will bug and hound you until said request happens!

Whew…I wish I could say that made me feel better…but it didn’t. I’m still annoyed.

Madison and weekend plans...

So this weekend was little Miss Madison’s b-day…and we made her sick…which is a good and bad thing. Let me explain. Madison is on a Gluten free, Casein free diet. Essentially she eats no dairy or wheat. We did this because it supposedly helps with Autism. I could definitely see the change from before the diet to after, but we really noticed it this weekend. Casey wanted Madison to be able to have her favorite foods on her b-day…so Friday he stopped and got her McDonald’s – Chicken nuggets and French fries…and a real coke. She would do back flips for McDonald’s French fries. However, assuming that everyone is following her diet, this is the first introduction to gluten and casein she’s had in almost a year. She started stimming a lot…which had decreased a lot since she’s been on the diet. You are probably wondering what Stimming is. Well I was going to copy and paste it all…but that would take up too much room…so if you’re interested in a definition please go here . Saturday was her party, even though Friday was her birthday. So again, she ate stuff not in the diet. And that evening…she had horrible diarrhea. And a LOT of it. So essentially we caused this. That being said…after her bout of diarrhea, she was fine. We did see some behavioral issues as well (she refused to try certain foods...which ever since we started the diet she'll try anything without much protest...she might not like it...but she'll try it, she would cry over nothing, she would get mad over little things). When there is an infraction you typically see things for 2-4 days…so I’m REALLY hoping it goes away after all this is over.


I bought Madison some rice milk so that she gets some calcium since she can’t have dairy. I tasted it first…and I’m not really a milk person. It was actually quite good. At dinner she would take drinks without a problem however she didn’t finish it…so I put it in the fridge and asked Casey to make sure she drank it before she went to bed. I have my book club this weekend so I went to bed to read about 8:15…and I heard Casey tell her she had to finish the milk before she went to bed. Apparently she took a sip…and spit it on the carpet…on purpose. This is a typical “let me see how far I can push you” thing for Madison to do. You know…kind of like when she sticks her stuffed animals in the toilet (with clean water) so they can go for a swim…or maybe it’s because she doesn’t care for those certain toys…not real sure. She’s definitely a master in button pushing…then again…I live with her father…so I see where she gets it. On a positive note…she has stopped biting other kids in her class. She’s taken a kinder, gentler approach…now she is biting herself. Oy…this is so hard. I know some people have it much worse…and I don’t know how they handle it.

On a totally unrelated note…I was reading a book awhile back and the character in the book starts talking about how instead of calling an object by the objects name, they call it by the brand name…and I thought to myself…I do that ALL the time. So here’s my list…It’s not quite as long as I had envisioned.

What I call it vs. What it really is
Band-Aid -  Bandage
Ace Bandage - Anything in that nude color that you wrap around your knee, etc.
Advil  - (Any pain reliever…I will call it advil and get annoyed when the person says “I don’t have an Advil but I have Ibuprofen”)
Jello  - Gelatin
Kleenex  - Facial Tissue
Scotch Tape -  Any of the clear tape
Post-Its  - Sticky square piece of paper for notes
Match Box Cars - Any small metal car

Hmmm, I guess that’s all I can think of. I really felt like I did it more often.

Wanna know what I’m doing this weekend?? Well, I’d love to tell you but my two amazing friends refuse to tell me. You see, we’re going someplace. A destination within 4 hours away…but that’s all I know. This is supposed to be teaching me to live in the moment and that I don’t have to plan EVERYTHING. Granted I have a tendency to plan every situation (down to how every second of the situation will go) I really don’t think that taking ALL control out of my life is fair. So what they are really teaching me is the art of revenge…because oh yes…revenge will be mine!

Random acts of kindness...

You know…with the conditions of the world as they are, it makes you lose faith in humanity. I mean, is anyone a good person anymore?? Indianapolis has 5 murders already…and it’s only the 6th day of the New Year. What is wrong with this world…and then something good happens…and it restores your faith. Someone does something completely selfless and unnecessary and it makes you realize that there are still good people in this world.

About a month ago I made a Facebook post about Reese and how she ate my new, and favorite lip balm. The lip balm is from a small company up in the New England area and I’ve been in love with her lip balms ever since I was a member of her lip balm of the month club. I am all about supporting smaller businesses…and her stuff rocks. Anyway, it was not two weeks after I got this lip balm…and then Reese jail breaks her cage and eats the entire thing…although she did leave me the tube as a parting gift. So last night I’m sitting in bed and Casey brings me the mail…and there was an envelope with something in it. I opened the envelope and inside was a card…from Emily Caswell. A very sweet card, with a very sweet note…along with 2 of my favorite flavor lip balms. Apparently her best friends dog also is a big fan of her stuff. Who knew dogs loved lip balm. She saw from my Facebook post that Reese ate mine and she wanted me to have those. It was such a small thing, but it meant so very much to me. She didn’t have to do that. For all I know she didn’t see the FB post. She didn’t have to give me anything…but she did. And I truly believe she expected nothing in return. It really made my day!!

My little birdies...

So I found this new template designer that offers free templates...which is VERY hard to find...and her work is great.  However, is it just me or are my birdies cut off??  All I see are there itty bitty legs.  :(  Hopefully it's just me, but I'm sure it's not. 

I got a new phone over the weekend.  I have been waiting in anticipation for about 4 months...or ever since I washed my Blackberry in the washing machine.  Turns out those things don't much care for water.  I've been using a loaner ever since then...which was a decent phone...but definitely not what I wanted for the long run.  I have had my eye on the HTC Evo for quite some time but had never seen it in person.  We stopped at the Sprint store New Years day on the way home from Lexington.  Much to my chagrin, it was HUGE.  GINORMOUS!!  Then again, I was going from the smallest Smartphone on the market,  to this...phone...that could be mistaken for a Tablet.  Yikes!  Apparently the phone comes in white or black.  Man, I didn't know I was going to have to make choices...I was SO not prepared for this.  Normally I would have mulled this over in my head for weeks...and I'd probably have changed my mind 27 times too...but this time was not the case.  I opted for White...because it just seemed more girlie.  The rest of Saturday was consumed with becoming one with the phone.  I think I have finally mastered it.  Well, sort of anyway.  Casey was wonderful enough to buy the phone for me...and of course I have the stupid mail in rebate...which is such a joke.  Making me do work to get my money back.  Pfft!

So, I have decided to take up a new hobby.  I am going to become a professional amateur photographer.  AKA an amateure picture taker.  I have always had this inner passion for taking pictures...as all my friends can attest by my need to take a picture of everything...but this time I'm going to actually try and get good with it.  I'm reading up on tips and tricks.  I know that the first thing I need to do is learn my camera inside and out.  I tried doing that but the battery was dead...so I guess I will have to wait until tonight.  I need to know all there is about it to fully get the most out of each picture.  So if you see me walking around taking a picture or something you might find odd...just wait...I could be in the next National Geographic.