Well, I'm back...hopefully for good this time! Keep reading to find out what got me here.
If you would have asked me 8 hours ago if I'd be blogging again, chances are I'd say no. Why blog? I mean, I loved it the first time I did it...in fact I couldn't wait to make a new post each day...but blogging back then was my outlet for my unhappy marriage. So fast forward 8 hours and let's talk about what got me here today.
I was told tonight at work from someone I admire and look up to that I needed balance. This person...we shall call W...said that I was a bit unbalanced between my personal life and my work life. W suggested getting a hobby. Actually W first suggested Tae Kwon Do. If you asked me, I wouldn't say I was unbalanced, after all...I enjoy work because it's one thing I can say with confidence that I excel at. I'm respected, my opinions matter, and quite frankly I know that I make a difference--all be it, I'm sure its very small...but it's a difference none the less. I wasn't exactly sure what to make from being told I was unbalanced. My first thought was "I'm not a car...what next...do I need to get my life rotated too???" But then I started to think about it. I have two dogs that love me more than life itself...and I make them stay in their cage for unreasonable amounts of time while I stay working late. How fair is that, to me or the dogs? Maybe W really did know what he was talking about. Shhh, don't ever tell him!!
I got home tonight at around 9:30 and I just couldn't shake my convo with W. I had obviously already gone through my denial stage...and come to some acceptance, that I was in fact out of whack. My next step was anger...I thought "who is W to tell me I'm unbalanced? Who is he to tell me I need a damn hobby?? Besides, I have hobbies...and then I paused and thought to myself--I do have hobbies...right?? As I reflected the only hobby, or thing I loved was writing...but what was I supposed to write? Sure, I could crank out some lame attempt at poetry, but a few poems here and there won't provide balance. Am I going to write the next best seller like Fifty Shades of Grey?? I blush even thinking about it. You'd think that right about now is when I would decide to start blogging again...but no. Still didn't occur to me.
While I was reflecting on my conversation I thought of something else W said to me. This is a line he uses on me all the time--his mom was a shrink so I'm pretty sure he got this from her--"no one can hurt your feelings unless you let them." Now, I consider W a very smart guy. Boarder line brilliant to be perfectly honest...when he starts his psycho babble I want scream "did your mom not love you and hug you enough because feelings are bad???". Maybe it's me, but at least in my experience the people I have known who have been raised by a psychologist/psychiatrist seriously seem to have the biggest issues...and I think it's because they weren't loved enough...or shown love. Take Leonard from Big Bang Theory...look at how he turned out. :-) I personally don't share his philosophy--W's, not Leonard's--and quite frankly I think it's a cop-out for the offender to ever have to take any ownership of the fact that they were in fact responsible for any wrong doing. I don't live in a "don't blame me I didn't make you feel a certain way" world, nor do I buy into that craptastic philosophy. So I set out to prove W wrong...and I googled "can someone only hurt your feelings if you let them?" Google is like the magic oracle...and it knows all, so surely it would tell me the answer I needed to hear. That is when I found out about the Tiny Buddah. Apparently mini-buddah has a book called Tiny Wisdom. I'll be darn...Tiny Buddah has some really good things to say...and he's actually how I got here.
10. Express your feelings through a creative outlet, like blogging or painting. Add this to your to-do list and cross it off when you’re done. This will be a visual reminder that you have actively chosen to release these feelings.
How did Tiny Buddah know that my two favorite "hobbies", if I had to pick them would be blogging and painting. I kid you not. When I read that it stopped me dead in my tracks. That's it. I need to start blogging.
So I guess what I'm saying is...while W upset me with his "your life needs balance" talk...and while he has hurt my feelings (not meaning to), he's actually what got my groove back...and for that I'll be forever grateful.
Now it's off to bed. Even if no one ever reads this...I now have an outlet for my feelings...and I can once again become balanced.
As a side note...I just got a really good chuckle because Will Ferrell from Anchorman popped into my head when he said to his dog "you're like a miniature buddah". Ahhh, it's the little things!!
