The Inner Workings...As I see them...

The following is a small story of me.  It may, or very well may  not be true...but it's as I see my life.  I have a very bad memory...not bad...just basically my long term memory is foggy...so the following may or may not have actually happened, but it's as I remember it.  That is a preface for my mother...since I think she's the only one reading this.  I am sure momma will say "that is not how that happened"...but in my mind, it is. 

Let's begin...

The reason for writing this is because when a dear friend was asked "why are you and Sarah friends" (because quite honestly, said friend and I do have a LOT of differences personality wise...but then there are other things that make us very similar) this friend replied "because you never have to wonder with her.  You never have to worry about what's she's thinking."  When I first heard that I was a little taken aback.  And then I started to realize, I am that way.  So let's go back in time...as I remember it. 

Growing up, and in high school I never had a boyfriend.  I had tons of boy friends but never was I romantically linked to anyone.  My friends all had boys...but not me.  I was the timid, shy one of the group.  My prom date was a gay guy...although I didn't know that at the time...although I could totally see it.  I was the reserved girl that didn't do drugs, or go to parties.  I did partake in an alcoholic beverage here or there...but that's what you did in high school.  I was very much an introvert.  I hated going anywhere alone.  I hated going to parties or dances because I just felt awkward.

On the flip side, I was also very strong willed (we will use that in place of stubborn because it sounds better).  If someone told me I couldn't do something...not only would I do it...but I'd take great pride in proving them wrong.  My parents were middle class, and that's how I was raised.  We never went without...EVER...but we also didn't have name brand everything.  Which didn't matter to me any since fashion was not my forte.  But in the same regard, my parents didn't have the money to buy my brother and I a car.  And they couldn't very well get him one and not me one...so the answer was to not get anybody a car...and besides, in their day not many high school kids had a car.  I was always told "you probably won't have your own car until you're out of college."  And that's where it all began.  Not being able to own a car was simply not going to do.  So I set out to prove them all wrong...and I got a job.  And I worked my butt off.  With the help of my very generous aunt, she matched what I had for a down payment.  And with the help of my loving parents, they helped me get a car.  By helped I mean they took out the loan, but I made the payments.  And by the time I was a senior...I had a car of my very own.  Tenacious.  That described me. 

I remember going to church as a child and driving down by UK's campus.  We'd pass all the sorority and fraternity houses...and I'd long to be one of those girls in a sorority.  But my parents would always tell me I couldn't be in a sorority because we couldn't afford it.  So what did I do when I was 19??  Again, with the help of my parents, I took out a school loan and went to Eastern Kentucky University.  I lived in a dorm (another thing I was told I couldn't do), and joined a sorority.  I can officially say...THIS was a time I wish I had listened to my parents and not forced the issue.  Sorority life wasn't me.  So after a year, I hung up my fake smile...and my fake friends and I left Eastern.  They probably weren't completely fake at the time...but let's just say I don't keep in touch with very many...and the ones I do keep in touch with are because of Facebook...and because I was friends with them BEFORE the sorority. 

Okay, so where am I going with this??  You see, I made a comment involving my friends beau at work today in front of her.  I work with my friend...and her beau.  Another girl I work with said "you can't say that in front of his girlfriend."  I simply said that I could care less if it's her boyfriend...I was merely stating a fact...and opinion. 

I'm not sure when the change happened.  I think I grew my backbone while going through my divorce. Divorce...a word that I never thought would be in my vocabulary.  I learned that I didn't have to take it.  I learned that I was an independent woman, and I wasn't going to let someone dictate my life any longer.  And from there I grew and grew to where I am now.  But, as much as I like the tell it like it is Sarah...it also is hard on me.  I never mean to hurt anyones feelings with the things I say, it's just that I feel like I'd be doing an injustice to my friends as well as myself if I spoke a lie, only to talk about it behind that persons back.  Call me rude, call me uncouth, but you will never be able to call me dishonest...and for me, that's what matters. 

So, you see friends...I tell it like it is.  I don't sugar coat.  I don't kiss ass to get ahead.  I don't mince words.  And I occasionally hurt feelings, but you can never say I lied to you...and for that, I am okay with all the other things.